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The Minister for Communications was worn out after checking caves for television

The Minister for Communications was worn out after checking caves across Ireland for televisions

“Pat Rabbitte has announced that Ireland is free of cavemen” Biffo Boyle read from the newspaper down in the club yesterday “the former cavemen told him I suppose since….he is the Minister for Communications….that their cavemen days are over”. “I’m not so confident about that” I said cautiously “I know that Mayo where Rabbitte comes from… most of the people still live in caves”. “Well he’s saying here that even if they do live in a cave, they’ll still be charged a broadcasting charge for the use of a television” Biffo said, shaking his head “that seems a bit harsh now”. “I suppose with a name like Rabbitte…he’s been down every hole and cave in the country checking to make sure” Spike Righteous added and we all nodded in agreement. “Isn’t it great though that our Minister for Communications is broadcasting to the world that Ireland is free of cavemen….that’s just the type of media exposure we need to encourage foreign investment” I said matter of factly “come to Ireland….we’ve only just emerged from caves….our banks have fleeced the country….our former Taoiseach never had a bank account and escaped paying tax because he said he won it on a horse….our Minister for the Gaeltacht can’t speak Irish….and our Minister for Small Business is bankrupt….sure they’ll be queuing up to invest”. “I reckon they must think that the boom happened because when we came out of the caves we couldn’t stop ourselves building” Biffo said, taking a swig of his snakebite in exasperation “lost the run of ourselves so we did… building everywhere we saw a patch of grass….built 150,000 houses we didn’t need just because we could….just for the hell of it”.

“I don’t own a television” Spike announced proudly “I can’t bear listening to them….and I don’t live in a cave….do I still have to pay the charge?”. “Well according to the Rabbitte Man – the Caveman Seeker….yes you do…cos you have such brilliant internet and mobile coverage…that you’ll be watching television on that” Biffo answered lamentably. “Did you not hear Spike” I asked in mock surprise “Ireland has 97% broadband coverage….according to our Minister for Communications that is”. “Then why do I have to get satellite broadband?” he asked “and why can’t I get any coverage on my phone….sure the most common phrase on the phone in Ireland is….can you hear me now”. “Ah that’s because the 97% coverage is in the cities and the 3% is spread out amongst the rest of the country where nearly half the population live” I said in wonderment. “Im very confused now…if I’m paying for my internet myself…and I’m paying for my mobile myself….then why am I paying for broadcasting?” Spike asked, scratching his head. “Oh that’s because The Rabbitte isn’t paying for his internet or mobile….that comes under expenses…..and you have to pay for that…and all Irish politicians are paid more than any politicians in Europe….sure aren’t they worth every penny” I guffawed “we’re the laughing stock of the Western World”. “There’s something wrong here lads” Biffo said shaking his head “when the President of the United States who looks after 317 million people is paid less than Enda Kenny who can’t manage to look after 4 million….I’m not an accountant like you Thackeray….but I think the figures don’t add up”. “They certainly do not my good man….the con goes on” I said gravely. “I dunno lads” Spike said sadly “but I reckon The Rabbitte Man has forgotten his roots…maybe he needs to go back down that warren cave where he came from”. Freedom of Speech….still it seemed like a good idea at the time…

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