“There’s a vacancy here for Pat Kenny’s job Thackeray now that he’s left RTE” my chum Spike Righteous announced as he watched the news on the big screen down in the club last night. “Yeah…you’ve already got the robotic walk…AND….you think you know more about every subject than the person you’re talking to….so you could slot into his shoes quite nicely” my other chum Biffo added seriously. “You’re an insolent cur Biffo aren’t you….but you do have a point….with my experience and contacts….I’d be an obvious choice you know” I said, clicking my fingers for Tracey the man-barmaid to bring us another round. “What would you call your show?” Spike asked, excited now by the prospect of me in the media. “Well obviously….I’m too handsome for the radio” I said confidently “I need to be in front of a camera….a Friday night slot on RTE 1 would do me nicely methinks….I could call it….Thackeray Live….or no better again….The Bond Show… with your presenter…. Thackeray Bond”. “The theme song would have to be James Bond music” Biffo added, trying to sing it but getting it confused with the A team. “You’re right Biffo….and I could have two Bond girls….one on either side of my leather chair…and of course I’d have to grow back my moustache….that was always a hit with the ladies”.
“What would it be about….I’d wait up for that show Thackeray” Spike added enthusiastically. “Well it would be a Friday night…I suppose your wife would make an exception” Biffo answered guffawing loudly. “Oh I think I’d have interesting guests on…you know… guests that people can look up to….people like me…..like maybe my old chums from Glenstal…they’re very important people….or my tailor could be a good one…how to dress a gentleman…that type of thing….no I have it….the Chairman of the Chartered Institute of Accountants….now there would be a crowd pleaser” I said emphatically, smacking my lips in anticipation. “Maybe on second thoughts…you should go to bed Spike” Biffo said, shaking his head “I bet cobwebs would grow over my face watching that”. “Maybe you could have me and Biffo on as your special guests instead Thackeray” Spike piped up, clapping his hands in excitement. “Good God Spike…..don’t be ridiculous….no one could know I know you two in real life” I said dismissively. “Maybe you could present a show called Borderline instead of Frontline” Biffo said with a sarcastic smile. Tracey the man-barmaid slammed the three brandy’s on the counter. “That sounds more like it….Borderline Crap….with your presenter Tacky Bond” she said, screaming with laughter at her own joke. “Laugh away Tracey….laugh away…..there goes your chance of being my tea lady” I said gesturing that it was Spike’s turn to pay again. “We’ll you miss you here on a Friday night Thackeray for our usual knees up” Spike said sadly, gesturing to Tracey to put it on Biffo’s tab. “My God…I’d forgotten about that” I shouted loudly “I’ll just have to cancel the show then….a chap has got to get his priorities in order after all”. Being a major TV Presenter….still it seemed like a good idea at the time….